You have to get past the (valid and often necessary) stage of curling up on your couch and really mourning the loss of your relationship and to the point where you're back in the swing of work, hobbies, friends, and everything else your life normally includes.
"This way, you will feel whole and in high self-esteem before you go back into the next relationship and won't just be trying to fill that hole," says Sherman.
authors Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider recommend: "Don’t see him more than once or twice a week for the first month or two." They also suggest not inviting him back to your place for the first few dates, and holding off on sex until you’re confident he’ll stick around.
Sure, a guy who’s just looking to get laid won’t put up with such “games from women.” In other words, you’ll weed out those who want only one thing. At worst, this is when men try to pass off “booty calls” as spontaneous gestures of missing you and needing you.
In fact, the tough love coaching I give my clients is aimed at protecting women from falling victim to such games. I’m sure female readers could cite hundreds of examples.
But from my practice, here are four of the most frequent games I see men playing: 1) The “play to lay” game.
BECAUSE IT WON’T WORK and it will only come across as nagging.This is where he pretends to care about you more than he actually does at the beginning in order to get you into bed.As women we crave emotional intimacy, so it’s not difficult for a man to combine earnest questions and over-the-top compliments to create the illusion of trust and connection that usually precedes sexual intimacy.But far more often, the fun, fantastic nights out women ARE missing are those they COULD have planned with their girlfriends but DIDN’T because they were trying to keep their schedules open to accommodate last minute invitations from men! This is the fun little merry-go-round in which a man creates the impression that the two of you are in a serious relationship when he’s actually stringing you along, enjoying your sexual favors and home-cooked meals, while actively looking for something better. If you’re seeing him once or twice a week, then make sure one of those dates is international date night: Saturday. If he does call and ask to get back together, proceed with caution. The defensive dating techniques I recommend can protect your already bruised heart from getting brutalized once more.Unless one/both of you are working or have family commitments on Saturdays, that’s when he gets to see you. Say no to Thursday, Friday, Sunday, Monday…you get the idea. But resist you must.” Usually, when he breaks it off, it’s broken forever. Sometimes you’ve crowded and scared a guy, and the break up is his was of reasserting his space. There is another common game men play – it’s actually a word game, where they pretend they have never heard of and certainly cannot pronounce such words as “marriage,” “commitment” and “children.” Deftly winning this game requires delicate skill, and deserves an entire blog on the subject.As I said in my previous blog, I think the “three days in advance” (e.g., Wednesday for Saturday) as proposed in is reasonable.Yes, it’s true, as one of my (predictably, male) critics pointed out: a woman may miss out on some occasional spontaneous fun -- like fabulous last minute tickets that a guy has just scored -- if she has “a rule” against accepting last minute invitations.The game is a blast for both parties involved – until a woman finds herself wondering why the man who was “crazy for her” and “couldn’t get enough of her” has poofed after a few rolls in the hay.Girl’s Game Changer: In order the separate the man who actually DOES fall in love with you at first sight and CAN go the distance from the players, a woman must pace the relationship.At best, it’s just laziness, lack of organization, or taking a woman’s time and schedule for granted.Either way, it doesn’t really make a gal feel special or respected when a man calls right before he wants to see her.