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Block, Ph D, author of have the issue, say, dryness, Dr. "If you don't come to a clear verbal agreement and think, 'he couldn't be with someone else,' you're lying to yourself," says Laurie Puhn, couples mediator, author and creator of the nationwide course Fight Less, Love More. "If one person is raring to go and the other gives compliance sex,' it will not only fail to be physically gratifying but also to produce emotional connection," says Grenny.

Block suggests saying, "I love when you go more slowly" or "I need more foreplay to get me started." If dysfunction happens repeatedly, acknowledge the problem outside of the bedroom. "It doesn't matter how many sex partners each of you has had," points out Dr. "HPV and other bugs hitch a ride on human genitals, just as the common cold goes for your nose and throat." It's best to talk about this matter-of-factly before you have sex for the first time. "Many women prefer to assume exclusivity because they're afraid the guy won't agree to it." In that case, you should know and make an informed decision about whether to have sex. "You should both feel comfortable, perhaps in one of your homes or in a dimly lit lounge," says Puhn. It's better to talk about not wanting sex, but how do you say "no" without it sounding like "never"?

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"You could say, 'If I'm feeling pressured it works against me, but know that I'm OK. If not, drop the issue knowing you've at least mentioned it in a sensitive, supportive manner. Try: "This is what I do for birth control" and "These are my standards for safe sex." "It's your body, and some conditions are forever—including unplanned offspring," adds Dr. "Just don't talk about it when either of you has had more than one drink." 6. "Touch your mate, smile and suggest another time," says Puhn.

"This says I love you and want to be intimate, but not tonight." Be sure to follow through on the follow-up appointment.7. Discuss what turns you on—and what doesn't—as unnatural as it may feel. Queen, who suggests starting with, "There are things I think about, sexually, that I never mention." From there, a general "Can we talk about this more? During the act, "maneuver into position and make sounds of pleasure to encourage your partner toward a certain behavior," says Dr. "Men appreciate these nonverbal prompts." They also respond well to comments that are about you, rather than about him.

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  1. It goes without saying that you'd like to enjoy making love to your partner; yet, nearly every other aspect of sex calls for a chat. Here's why Couples who discuss.

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